LovelyAsDeath

Decisions, decisions.

I am confused and hopeful.

It's hard being a woman sometimes.

Crying is not always equivalent to weakness. Sometimes crying can show strength, because you are strong enough to show emotion and be judged.

Most of the time when I cry, I like to do it in the bathtub. That way no one will hear it because of the running water and there is no chance of someone walking in on me crying.

I'm a very secretive crier. I'm a very secretive person.

So....here I go again....I don't think this will be very long but who know? Maybe it will be.

I'm taking some advice and trying to get outside of my head. If I do that then maybe I'll be able to show my heart.

Oh my heart....what a mess it's in. It's reckless and greedy. Compelling and strong. It's lonely. I'm lonely. So very lonely. I can't seem to make myself happy anymore. It drives me insane. I didn't used to be like this and it makes me wonder what changed. I know I can't blame anyone or any specific reason...it's just me.

I'm sad. A lot more than I let on. I don't know why I do that. I don't like people knowing how I feel....there are very few people I actually let in. Used to let Aaron in all the time. That backfired....it's sad to say I miss him sometimes....I miss my old best friend...especially right now when I feel like I just need a shoulder to cry on. He used to be the best person to run to. Then he became the worse.

And of course there's Devon. I trust him very much. I know he'd hold each and every secret I would ever tell him. He's just loyal like that. He's actually probably one of the best friends I'll ever have. I should probably treat him better than I do...I'm sorry.

Ugh. No more for tonight. Is too much.

So I have had a very interesting day. First off, fishing. Oh yes, the joys of being in the outdoors, tearing a worm in half while the guts come out, trying to get the hook out of the fishes eye, and of course having you hands smell like slimy fish for the rest of the day.
Perfection <3
But seriously. I love fishing. It's just extremely peace. Well...usually. Unless you have a friend who keeps catching fish and screaming about not being about to take it off the hook.
But anyways...
Tonight all my friends and I had a fiesta! Like "Hola! Como estas? Muy bien?" (Yeah, I took two years of Spanish and that's about all I remember).
So...something I never thought I'd see: pinata penis. Yep. You read that right.
But I'm outie.
Peace

P.S. I made captain!

So.
Today is another day, full of new and exciting things to do. Doesn't that just make for something adventurous? Maybe I'll go cow tipping for the first time.
Or maybe not.
Mmm. Strawberries. You know, in some weird way strawberries are sexy. They are full of aphrodisiacs and, well, they just look good. (Psst. If you can't tell, I'm eating strawberries.) And tomatoes! Yummy. I really think I should just eat all the time. Who cares about being fat when there are so many good things to eat?
I have a solution. I'll become a rich sports model that way I can eat great yummy food all the time and still have to keep in shape. What do you think? Could I be a sports model?
Anyway...
I have sports awards tonight.
Yay?
But, I'm hoping that maybe I'll get some cool award...or maybe to be captain next year. I feel like I deserve it. I try to kick ass.
I'm taking my senior trip this summer though. Yeah yeah, a little early but we decided to do it this year. My friend Morgan is going to come with me and I'm super pumped. We are going to the Cayman Islands and while some of you might not know, I'm extremely WHITE. Like shield your eyes white. I tried tanning and I now have this cute little palm tree on my tummy but it didn't really help. So I will be burnt to a crisp when I get back.
Ouch.
Finals tomorrow. One word: shit.
Can't wait to be a senior. But in the meantime, there are games to be played.
                                             Love <3
                                                 Laurissa